"Are you Going to the Funeral tomorrow?"

Those were the words I heard yesterday right after I answered the phone at my office.

“What Funeral?” I said in a confused expression.

My dad was surprised that I didn’t know what he was talking about. He quickly told me of a young man who was killed a couple days ago and he was related to a family that attends our church.

“The pastor announced it this past Sabbath, didn’t you hear him?” “No I didn’t.”

I had to leave the Sanctuary on business a couple of times so I figured the pastor may have announced it while I was out.

“Daddy,” as I call him, expressed to me his desire to go to this young man’s funeral to pay respects to the family members who he had been good friends over the years.

Today at 11:00 a.m. my 87-year old dad and I attended the funeral of a young 15-year-old teenager who was killed by a hit and run driver who was under the influence of drugs. I had never seen him before but when I looked at the obituary, my heart became full of grief to see such a young person had left this world needlessly because someone who was under the influence of drugs got behind the wheel of a car and in a few careless minutes snuffed out the life of an innocent young man who was just walking down the street.

My mind began to wander as I looked around the room and saw his fellow school peers sitting all around. My eyes then went to the mother as my heart went out to her, knowing how she was feeling sitting there looking at her young son in the casket. I thought about two of my sons who are at odds with each other and have been for over six or seven years. Life is so short and unpredictable. No one knows what the next instant, second minute will bring. I pray that the Lord will not allow a death to bring those two siblings together. I think of how this whole thing happened between my two sons; it was something I said in the spur of a moment, not thinking of how it would drive a wedge between two of the children I love so deeply. I have strived, prayed, manipulated and everything to bring them back together as two loving siblings, but to no avail. Whenever I attend a funeral, this particular circumstance comes to my mind and I become emotional all over again.

After the minister spoke and the viewing began; I went up to see the body of a young person I had never seen before, but all of a sudden my eyes focused on the body and the innocence of the teenaged boy. When I saw the display of grief and tears from his peers, it broke my heart. I wanted to reach out and hug each and every one of them just to let them know that someone really loves them. Even though I didn’t know the young man, who passed away, in my heart it was one of the saddest funerals I attended just because it was a young kid. I love young people (little kids, big kids, teens, and youth) and it hurts me to see what’s happening to them.

A Day filled with Different Emotions

My emotions have been all over the place today. At one point I was feeling pretty onery; sending e-mails to a co-worker in an effort to gross her out, simply because I have been feeling that way of late. Last week I received an e-mail from a friend. The contents was referring to the preparation of foods in Chinese Restaurants. I love Chinese food; and have enjoyed eating at one of my favorite dining establishments here in town with a group of co-workers who gather there with me occasionally to celebrate each other's birthdays. I don't know how much of this e-mail is true but there were attachments with pictures showing rats being prepared as a popular dish there and the pictures were similar to an entre I have favored over the years. Since I don't indulge in eating pork, I usually choose chicken dishes. After reading the e-mail sent to me; I began to wonder if in fact, I have been eating chicken.

This e-mail is not meant to offend anyone nor is it meant to be racist. I am an African-American and am very familiar with racism. After thinking about this and feeling somewhat grossed out, the thought came to mind that people all over the world are different. The food preparation in many different cultures, while they may be very tasteful, may seem gross to someone of another culture. Americans eat racoons, rabbit, pig, and other things that may seem gross to other races. I have heard the dog and cat stories regarding Asians and definitely African-Americans eat pigs feet and Chitlins which I believe are intestines in animals.

Speaking of being grossed out, the other day I was sitting on my couch watching television. I stood up and turned around to see something run across it. It looked to be a waterbug which I haven't seen for years. When I moved the pillow, whatever it was dashed across the rest of the couch. It was gray and appeared to be a healthy looking mouse. I have had to depend on my faith in God just to be able to go into the living room, however, I haven't sat on the couch since. I can't imagine what could have attracted whatever it was because I keep my garbage out, dishes done, etc. However, during the last snow storm, my awning on the front door fell off and it broke the wooden border around the front door and I am in the process of trying to make arrangements to get it fixed, but in the meantime, who knows what could have squeezed through the small opening at the doorway. Therefore, just thinking about that has had me grossed out for several days.

Speaking of being ornery, I was out in front of the office watering the flowers and across the street was a man up at the top level of an apartment complex putting in new windows and painting. Oh, how I wanted to take the hose and sprayer and just turn it up towards him and squirt him. That would have cracked me up, but it's a blessing the spray on the hose wouldn't have reached him because I don't know that man from Adam.

Lastly, after I got home from work, I thought about another e-mail I received from a co-worker that had the obituary of a former co-worker who just died of ALS last Thursday. He was a pleasant person, one of whom I kidded with a lot when he worked with us before he retired. All of a sudden I became saddened and tears began to swell up within me. I would definitely say this was a day filled with different emotions.

Have a blessed day to all of you.

"I've Been Tagged"

"Why do I Love Jesus"

I was tagged a short while back and I think it was Rosemarie. The question is "Why do I Love Jesus.? I had to think about that one for a while, simply because there million reasons to love Jesus and it was hard to put them into the right words. Actually, I was introduced to Jesus at a very young age, in the form of God Himself while sitting on the lap of my dad. Immediately I became impressed while receiving knowledge of Him. I don't know exactly when I was introduced to God the Son, but I feel as though he's been with me all my life.

Sure I find myself questioning things I don't understand every now and then, but it is apparent to me that we don't question God. I love Jesus because He is always here for me. He has and is still doing a great deal for me, my family and many people around me. The testimonies I hear from others are amazing, as though they are unreal, but not.

It is quite hard to imagine the pain and suffering He went through for us. I mean just think, He paid it all, and we are still putting him through misery because we refuse to obey Him and get into His word. I cannot bring myself to watch crucifixion movies; at least the part where he was crucified because it's hard for me to watch anyone suffer and to imagine the extend of His suffering. I'm very sorry that our salvation had to be bought that way, but on the same level, I don't take what he did lightly and am very gratful for his sacrifice. Love is a very strong word, plus the feelings that comes with it. "Why do I love Jesus?" He follows me around in my heart, and through the Holy Spirit, He keeps me in line (that is, if I listen to Him). Every time I do something wrong or think to do something wrong, the Spirit of God let's me know it. When I pray, the Lord hears my prayers because Jesus intercedes for me and that tells me Jesus loves me and He is in my corner. I am blessed to have Him in my life because I know He will lead me to salvatiion and oh, I can't imagine what it will be like in Heaven and then we will be able to see him; talk to him, hug him and much more. Therefore, I say "Why do I love Jesus?" Because He first loved me, and He proved it.

The Wallet

Received an e-mail this morning from Mrs. Buck (whose dad had come to visit the family last week); it read:

Your First Born was complaining to my dad last week because I accidentally washed his wallet. It completely fell apart and all of his cards, money and stuff were scattered throughout the washing machine. He said I owed him a new wallet. Well, I didn’t go get one so, he got a new one himself. This morning he showed it to "K" and said, “It’s Mommy’s job to check all of my pockets before she washes my clothes!” I said, “No, it is your job to empty your pockets before your clothes go in the hamper (if they make it there).” "K" said, “I agree with Dad!” I told Buck that I was going to tell his mom on him, so there!
Mom says -- "We women must stick together; therefore, he needs to empty his pockets before they end up on the floor, I mean in the hamper." That's Brotha Buck for you. ha, ha

Related thought: Wonder what her dad's reaction to that was.

HOW DOES IT FEEL???

(This post was written a couple of months ago when I thought I was able to post again -- just wanted to share this with you).

To open a newly published book, illustrated by your son who has followed his dream of being an illustrator of children’s books for the better part of his life and read on the inside of the dedication page “Thank God for my mom, my biggest fan, best supporter, and most enthusiastic cheerleader.” How does it feel when you see the results of raising a young man who had the self determination he has always had? To watch him pursue his dreams in spite of those people who came at him with negativisms such as, you will not make it as an illustrator because the field is not lucrative, especially in Iowa,” “You should not take that in college, you won’t make it,” “There’s not enough money in that kind of work, etc.; “yet he goes right ahead and sets out to claim his dream no matter what, and makes a complete success of it. I saw the same drive in his paternal aunt who had no support from anyone except for her God and her determination to prove to the world that no matter what, she would become a success and now they are both acclaimed in their field.

How does it feel when you open beautiful cards from your daughter-in-law with wonderful expressions of love, admiration, thank you expressions and Spiritual sentiments and prayers?

How does it feel when you pick up the phone and a four year old little voice is on your voice message reciting the One-Hundredth Psalm and ends by saying “I love you.” That little voice is five-years-old now and I still have the message he left saved.

Then one day you receive a card in the mail for Easter with a newspaper article about your son, telling a story about an experience he had talking to a bunch of kids behind bars about his experiences as a children’s book illustrator and how he is now writing books. You turn the page an read on when all of a sudden these words reach out and grab you as they say “by all accounts my future should have been dim, but I had three things; I had enthusiasm, a desire to succeed and a mother who cheered my every dream.”

This makes you feel so overwhelmed with joy that tears swell up in you like a balloon that is about to burst. These are not tears of sorrow, but tears of happiness, such happiness that you cannot describe. I thank God for what he has done for me. Many times I wish I hadn’t married the father of my children but when I think of the legacy that came out of that marriage (four awesome sons), I would say that it was worth it.

Here I go again, trying to get back into the swing of things. It's been a looooooong haul but I hope this is the end of trying to recapture my blogspot and that I will at last be able to post and comment. Pray for me out there in blog land.

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