What Is Wrong With Me?

Over the past couple of weeks, I have been feeling angry and it has taken almost nothing to set me off. I think it began with my trip home from Minnesota a couple of weeks ago. June 18th was the 14th anniversary of my mother's tragic death in a truck trailer accident. I just kept thinking about her and many thoughts about that horrible day came to my mind. Shortly before I left for Minnesota, my brother-in-law passed away from a horrible accident that just suddenly happened, and before that, an old friend passed away; preceding that, an old childhood friend. However, after a bit, I felt I was handling all of this pretty well, then Michael Jackson passed away. Since then there has been a great deal of publicity about Michael.

Michael Jackson has been an entertainer for all of my adult life and the young lives of my sons. I have kept up with him pretty much throughout the years, but I guess I never expected someone as popular as he to just pass away out of the blue. Granted, I was shocked like the rest of his fans.

I hadn't been in touch with the secular part of entertainment for quite a few years because I have been concentrating mostly on my walk with God, attending church and just trying to follow Him the best I could. My thoughts and a great deal of my conversations have revolved around the Lord and my family. But in the past week or so, I have been experiencing a great deal of depression and feeling despondent.

I am surprised about how much of the Michael Jackson publicity I have been reading and watching on television. It is just unbelievable that he would pass on in the prime of his life. Yesterday, while watching the memorial,I came to the conclusion that I am actually grieving Michael's death; just thinking about how sad his life was and how that now he is gone; he is so much in the limelight. Somehow I wish he could see how people all over the world are grieving, listening to his music, watching films of him on television, spending a great deal of money on his music and other items pertaining to him and trying to remember him. It seems as though people are almost worshipping him and referring to him an "idol," which I do not agree with. Even though I don't look upon people or man made objects as "idols" I am still very sad about Michael's life and death. I guess even though I never met him except for on television; it almost seems as though he was family because my sons always listened to his music, we have watched him on television over the years and have read about him in the newspapers. I felt so bad for him during the bad publicity and never believed that he molested any children. Even though people said he was "weird," I believe that some things in his childhood or even his adult life caused those problems in him.

Yesterday as I watched the coverage of his memorial I began to think deep, wondering how people would act if Jesus would all of a sudden appear on earth as he did many years ago. I would like to think there would be a much bigger crowd of people and excitement all over the world. I imagined that I would be even more excited to see Him and would be rushing and trying to push my way through just to touch Him or talk to Him. Even though I admit that I loved Michael Jackson, no one can compare to what I feel for my Lord and Savior, JESUS CHRIST! I pray that Michael accepted Jesus as his Lord and Savior and that he will meet the REAL KING -- KING JESUS!